Five years ago, I painted something without fully understanding its meaning. At the time, it was just an expression of emotion, a swirl of colors that felt right but didn’t quite translate into words. Now, looking back at that painting, I finally see what it was trying to tell me.

I had spent years suppressing my negative side, believing that my goodness was the only thing worth nurturing. I thought kindness, patience, and selflessness were the ultimate virtues, but what I didn’t realize was that I was being taken advantage of because of them. My positive side was being overused, drained by the world around me, while my darker, more assertive side remained buried under layers of societal expectations and self-imposed restrictions.

The Danger of Overplaying the “Good” Card

Being a good person isn’t the problem. The real issue arises when we allow ourselves to be defined solely by our positive traits. We’re taught to be kind, forgiving, and understanding—but at what cost? When goodness becomes a liability rather than a virtue, it’s time to reassess the balance.

For years, I had let people walk over me in the name of being nice. I would say yes when I wanted to say no, forgive without receiving an apology, and extend my help even when I was running on empty. I mistook being self-sacrificing for being strong. But here’s the thing: being good without boundaries isn’t noble; it’s self-destructive.

The Importance of Embracing the Dark Side

We all have a dark side. No, it doesn’t mean being evil or cruel—it simply means embracing the aspects of ourselves that society often tells us to suppress: anger, assertiveness, selfishness when needed, and the ability to walk away from people who drain us. My painting, with its stark contrast between light and dark, was trying to tell me something fundamental: both sides are necessary.

Just as a painting needs shadows to create depth, life needs moments of discomfort and assertiveness to create balance. Imagine a world where the sun never sets. It sounds beautiful in theory, but without night, we would never see the stars. Without challenges, we would never grow.

The Myth of Perpetual Positivity

We live in a culture that glorifies positivity. “Just stay positive,” they say. “Good vibes only.” But let’s be real—life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Toxic positivity dismisses the very real struggles we go through. It tells us to ignore pain instead of dealing with it.

But let me tell you something: anger, sadness, frustration, and fear aren’t the enemies. They are signals. They tell us when we need to protect ourselves, when something isn’t right, when we need to stand up and say, enough is enough.

Finding the Middle Ground

The goal isn’t to swing from being overly kind to becoming cold and indifferent. The goal is balance. Here’s what I’ve learned in my journey of self-discovery:

1. Set Boundaries Without Guilt – It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to walk away from situations that drain you. Your kindness shouldn’t come at the cost of your well-being.
2. Own Your Anger, Don’t Let It Own You – Anger is a powerful emotion, but it doesn’t have to be destructive. Use it as fuel for change, not as a weapon.
3. Self-Preservation Isn’t Selfish – Looking out for yourself isn’t an act of selfishness; it’s an act of survival. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
4. People Treat You The Way You Allow Them To – If you continuously let others take advantage of your kindness, they will. Stand firm when needed.
5. Embrace Your Complexity – You are not just “good” or “bad.” You are a mix of emotions, traits, and experiences. Own all parts of yourself.

Final Thoughts: The Beauty of Contrast

Looking at my painting now, I see it differently. The interplay of light and dark, the chaos and calm—it’s all part of the masterpiece. And isn’t that what life is all about? A blend of the soft and the strong, the compassionate and the fierce, the light and the dark?

So, to anyone struggling with the idea of being “too good” or feeling like their kindness is being misused—don’t suppress your darker side. It is not your enemy. It is the missing piece that, when balanced, makes you whole. Just like a painting needs contrast to come to life, so do we.

Embrace the full spectrum of who you are. Because true strength isn’t in being all light or all dark—it’s in knowing when to shine and when to stand firm in the shadows.